A micro story – presenting a untold part of my life, a experience.
Today, I was walking down my staircase and I saw one of the students with a malformed leg.
The First thought that came to mind was: ‘I wish I was you.’. That is something pretty crazy right? Me, a near perfectly functioning human was wishing that he wasn’t so perfectly functioning. But that was my thought. When I’d realised this, I looked into why I felt this way, it didn’t take me too long.
I was normal, aside from me being pretty good in academics, I was normal. I had few mental and physical limitations outside of the norm if anything I had fewer mental limitations for a person my age. But why did I want to be less-abled?
I wanted to be free from what was expected of me. I wanted to be outside of the narrow box that was ‘Normal’.
When I had first attempted this, I did it through my grades. I started studying, and my grades shot up and now I’m in the top three of the whole grade. Then I tried art, I didn’t accomplish much but I’m pretty good at art. I got two awards, one in a school competition, the other in a competition for an art exhibition. But, because of this, the bar got raised, I had a harder time even getting close to anything I’d done in the past. Everything I did, anything I put effort into seemed to not matter because it is overshadowed.
I didn’t want that.
That’s why I envied the one’s who are less-abled. They don’t have much expected of them, so anytime they do anything remotely good, people bring out the fireworks and make a whole celebration out of it. Of course, there are many shortcomings they have, that’s the main reason why they are celebrated.
Looking from their point of view, they probably wish that their limitations didn’t exist, they might feel that because of these limitations, they are unable to reach their full potential. Making them envy those who don’t have their limitations, some even angry at them for not using their body to the fullest.
This just shows how us, as humans, are constantly unsatisfied with our circumstances. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Envy is something many of us constantly feel in our tiny, insignificant lives. It is part of human nature, us always seeing that there is something better. It is what drives us, but it can also hold us back. We always have an appetite for anything better that what we have now, for some, that is the only thing they are willing to take. This often leads to the detriment of themselves and others. When we envy, we begin becoming more susceptible to lying, to stealing, to doing anything to get what we envy, or to take them down.
I found myself in this position of envy, wishing for anything other than what was happening to myself. I kept on seeing people with more accomplishments than me at an age much lower than mine. And that made me go into a downward spiral of sadness, descending into my own pitiful black abyss. People around me didn’t help, they only made me feel worse, that I wasn’t good enough to be great.
Then I realised, I didn’t need to care.
When I let go of all that, it was like the knife that was dangling over my head was removed. I felt free.Like a relief after reading a short micro -story.
But I couldn’t help but descend back into that hole.
I was back in the spiral. My heart wasn’t strong enough to keep it up. I couldn’t not care. I was too sensitive. But still, I tried. I tried to get to that point where I didn’t care. Where I don’t feel the constant reminders of my constant inability to reach my standard. I cried, I screamed, I hated myself.
That is something that a person like me has to go through.
I have good accomplishments, everything else is compared to what accomplishments I had achieved. Often times degrading the perceived quality of my work, so I have to work hard to cope with the standards I have to deal with.
This is a reminder for everyone including me. Even if you see someone else with a ‘better’ life, who has it all going for them, they still aren’t content with it. What is important is that you try your best to be happy and content with what you have and still allow yourself to grow.
Hi, I’m Kalvin, a new micro story writer at untold view – stories of our life. So yeah, hope you writingin any way.
If you want to see my personal writing, it is at Singingbookeater.blogspot.hk
Feel free to tell me ,how was this short story ? It is a experience of mine. So im intrested to see your comments on it.
Have a good day!